Wall Street for dummies

By: Gabe Gilson

There are many newspapers out there for a college student to read. Of course, any student would like to read the local student published paper, or maybe the city run paper. As a college student, I cannot be sure how another student my age could read The Wall Street Journal for more than five minutes.

Over the past few weeks, I have tried and tried to keep up with the newspaper. It seems as if one would have to have multiple degrees from Harvard or Yale just to understand the topics of some of the articles.

And while not everything is that confusing, inapprehensive and downright befuddling, how can a newspaper come out without even a sports section? Is this not unconstitutional? Yes, this may be the business man’s paper but, would you not want to know a few scores here and there?

U.S.A. Today has become my favorite nationally published newspaper. When reading this particular publication, one can find out everything you ever needed to know in the sporting world as well as the news about the $100 billion tax break passed by the Senate, or about Clay Aiken coming out of the closet, or even information about business that The Wall Street Journal could provide.

So here is my proposal to The Wall Street Journal: make a daily edition of the paper entitled The Wall Street Journal for dummies. This is why it would work. The writers that would be hired could be just people that got C’s in college rather than A’s. The reading audience would be much larger because America has become stupid (watch Idiocracy anybody that argues). There could be an entire section that defines those hard vocabulary words in the big boy Wall Street Journal
of that day.

So why not Wall Street? Why not make my day and publish a newspaper for those who were not the valedictorians of their respective high schools. Hell, why not a paper for those who do not have to use spell checker to spell valedictorian? Just a thought.